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It doesnapos;t make sense.� I want to be alone.� By myself.� Just me, myself, and I.� For whatever reason.� I prefer to be alone.� I donapos;t want to go out and interact with others.� I want to get my things and be alone.� Except, that I want to be alone with somebody.� Not just anybody.� But somebody special.� Somebody that means the world to me.� There isnapos;t anyone.� Nobody means the world to me.� Not right now.� Probably not anytime soon.� I have no candidates in my mind or my heart.� Just me and the music.� With nobody to sing it to.� Granted most people donapos;t want to hear me sing anyway...but thatapos;s different.

So here I sit, wanting to cut myself off from the world, stop communicating, interacting, etc.� But at the same time, I desire a very specific kind of communication, of interaction.� I want you to want me.� However there currently isnapos;t a name or a face attached to that "you".� I could be your hero.� I donapos;t want to miss a thing.� I think I dreamed you into life.� I would walk 500 miles.� Iapos;ll keep you my dirty little secret.

Here I am.� Happily alone in the middle of a crowd.� But lonely in the quiet of my apartment.� I guess Iapos;m just waiting.� Either for the loneliness to pass or to stop being alone in the crowd.� Nope, still want to be alone in the crowd.� So, I just want the loneliness to go away.� Either because I stopped caring, or because it was chased away.

I want the world to go away and leave me alone for a few days.� I want to be alone.

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Charter Communications is a broadband communications company providing digital cable, high-speed Internet and telephone service in 36 states. You can now get Charter Communications Digital Cable and High-Speed Internet in� St. Louis, Missouri. Additionally, WhiteFence offers Charter Communications services in several other areas of the United States, including Alabama, Georgia, Michigan and more.

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The choice between whether or not to do an internship was a tough one for me. Originally I was going to be taking six credits over winter break and 18 next spring and I thought that adding an internship would be too much. However I have since decided to stay at Cortland with one extra semester because it will lighten my load with class. I still plan on taking one class over the break and now I am working full time at my old job so I�still wouldnapos;t have been able to do an internship over winter. The only difference is that if I had made this decision to change my schedule I would have signed up for an internship for the spring or next fall semesters. The reason for not signing up was because I originally thought that I would be putting too much on my plate and that I would become stressed out and not have been able to give my all to my classes as well as the internship.

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Some kid falsely accused Conner of stealing stuff from his locker. THey said he took shoes a tshirt and COLOGNE..what a load of bs. So at one point yesterday while coach was looking into it we thought he was not going to be able to dress out for varsity but Conner absolutely denied these ridiculous accusations and in the end all was well and he got to play alot in the 4th quarter last night.

This kid targeted him for some reason and luckily it was obvious to both coach and myself how silly it was.Why would he take stuff ??I�may have to pursue this further to make sure this punk kid doesnapos;t bother him anymore but I will chat with Conner and coaches about it first. Conner is upset because he doesnapos;t get why they picked him to hassle..I�told him when you are popular and succesful people will do this..and believe me there is a HUGE�gangsta wannabe element at this high school..probably all high schools. Lesson learned I�think. I�told him and so did some kids on his team that football players get targeted sometimes and that he needs to NOT trust anyone but his closest, proven circle of friends and just keep to his team and his schoolwork.

He played KICK�ASS�last night in the varsity game..even if it was against Rincon. I was SO�happy for him after the day he had. It is so hard to go through alot of what your kid goes through as they grow up.

And on a completely different note..APPLEBEES�SUCKS. We went there after the game because they�have half price drinks and appetizers after 10. My first appletini showed up HALF full I�asked the waiter about it and he told me it was company policy not to serve more than 2 oz of alcohol per drink. OH�PAHLEASE..so I�ordered a long island and it was WATERED�down like nothing else. AT least the food and company was good. My neck feels SOO�much better after muscle relaxers and some booze and laughter� :)
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This week has been absolutely horrible. Kaleb has been nothing but a jerk to me. My mom is trying to prevent my dad from helping me put my application work in (surprise surprise, she strikes again) Shes tho.. Being nice about it and stuff but idk. Still trying to decide whether I should go along with it or not... Kaleb hasnapos;t directly said he doesnapos;t want me to come back, but it really feels that way. Iapos;ve asked multiple times what is it iapos;m doing thats making him so angry but he doesnapos;t want to reply. ITs fine tho... Iapos;m just gonna stay away from him a little while. Bad enough that i have to deal with this shit with my mom and my step dad, but to have him do it to me as well hurts 70x more. I know hes not like this in person, so Iapos;m thinking hes just having a male PMS time.... So iapos;ll just keep away for a few weeks.


Some good things happened tho... Getting a lotta of this stuff paid off slowly getting things back to the way they used to be. Since i wonapos;t be playin game for a while probably, iapos;m thinking about getting a second job. Not sure tho. I will ponder the idea more. Hopefully Kalebapos;s attitude goes away before its time for me to go back. I donapos;t wanna lose him, he means a lot and more to me and iapos;d feel so empty without him. I guess tho maybe he doesnapos;t feel the same way...

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Characters:
Mom
Amena- the 11 year old sibling
Me

Setting: Watching tv in the livingroom while talking about random stuff.


Me: I donapos;t want to get married though. Itapos;s like having a kid before you have a kid
Mom: Just marry someone rich and it wonapos;t matter
Me: That wonapos;t take care of the kid issue
Amena: Money isnapos;t everything...
Me: Thank you Someone who makes sense
Amena: You should marry a pretty boy :D
Me:...*jaw hangs open* ...Uhhh whaaa? ...W-why is that?
Amena: Well...if you get mad at him and you see his pretty face then it wonapos;t be so bad will it?
Me: ....I canapos;t deny that logic.


~* As much as I want to be disturbed by an 11 yr oldapos;s solution to marriage I canapos;t..because somehow in some way I think influenced by too many pretty boy mangaapos;s. ><;; *~
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Last Thursday I saw Tick Boy hugging Precious. And I was so sad I cried my eyes out More literal terms I cried for over two hours. I took Friday, Monday, and Wednesday off. I worked on the day that I knew Precious wasnapos;t gonna be there. Itapos;s not her fault, I just didnapos;t want to see other guys on her.

Also last week, Azi saw me thinking to myself and said I wasnapos;t normal and neeeded to see a doctor. She really pissed me off. Today she asked for a cigarate and then I said "can I touch your tits?" she said "WHAT WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DISRESPECTFUL?" I told her cuz Iapos;m sick of giving her shit. I really hate how she always asks for stuff and I give it to her and then yells at me and DISRESPECTS ME Anyways, she fuckinapos; told Precious and Precious had a talk with me. She seemed real upset with me. The good news is, at least she doesnapos;t seem like she HATES me.
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